Don't Sell Yourself Short.

That's my motto these days.  I always knew I held myself back.  I held myself back from success and I held myself back from failure.  I held myself back from discovering new opportunities and I held myself back from rediscovering old passions.  My life has been a long story full of times when I was too modest, too intimidated, too fearful, too worried, or too uncertain.  It's funny to say this, because I think most people consider me to be a pretty outgoing and confident person who is comfortable with himself.  And those things are true..to an extent.  But what people don't see is my insecurities.  They don't see the way I constantly imagine that I do not know enough for a project or am not qualified enough for a position.  The truth is, I am.  I know a lot.  I have done a lot.  And most importantly I am capable of a lot.  But sometimes I forget that.

It's been a long time coming, but I feel I am making real strides in not selling myself short.  I took on this crazy Mellon research project with the legendary Professor John Cadigan.  My instinct was to worm my way out of it, using any excuses necessary.  It wasn't my interest.  I didn't have enough time to finish the proposal.  I didn't know enough about the topic or running experiments.  I don't like doing research.  I put it off for awhile but I then one day I was like "Screw that, I can do this.  I need to do this."  So I sent him an email that said just that: "Let's do it."  I locked myself into a commitment, and I do not take my word lightly.

So about a week later I have spent a helluva lot of time trying to get everything ready which has been difficult considering a number of other projects, deadlines, and commitments.  But it will be finished by Friday.  And I will get that award.  And I will do that research.  And I will publish that article.  I will do it.  And I won't succeed because the project was meant for me.  And I won't succeed because I know everything I need to know.  And I won't succeed because I was fully prepared.  No, I will succeed because I said I would.  I will succeed because when I fail I will ask questions and I will bounce back higher.  I will succeed because I am ready to meet my future.  I will succeed because I am Kevin Lugo and

I WILL NOT STAND IN MY OWN WAY.