Dear Followers, of which there are many:
I have not been blogging. Or so it appears. In fact, I have been blogging at least once a week for my economics class. I decided to try out wordpress.com and so you can see my class blog here. If you are at all interested in economics it might spark your curiosity at times.
I have decided I like wordpress more than blogger, for one reason in particular: it gets my blog out there. Although only a class blog my experience on wordpress has already brought new random people to my blog. I don't expect anything exciting to come of it given the content, but I really like the idea of getting my thoughts out there. However, therein lies another problem: my thoughts will be out there.
Eventually I intend to port this blog to wordpress so that I can expand my audience. However, I'm not sure I would want everything on this blog actually read by a lot of people. While I am proud of everything I write (my motto is do not write it if you can't sign your name to it) that does not mean I want everyone from family to employers to see my every one of my thoughts. Thus, until I go through my posts and determine what I want to be shown my new material is temporarily unavailable to the public. That's okay though, I am starting from the bottom up so you can read my old entries if you so desire! Check out the new blog!
Please forgive me!
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Don't Sell Yourself Short.
That's my motto these days. I always knew I held myself back. I held myself back from success and I held myself back from failure. I held myself back from discovering new opportunities and I held myself back from rediscovering old passions. My life has been a long story full of times when I was too modest, too intimidated, too fearful, too worried, or too uncertain. It's funny to say this, because I think most people consider me to be a pretty outgoing and confident person who is comfortable with himself. And those things are true..to an extent. But what people don't see is my insecurities. They don't see the way I constantly imagine that I do not know enough for a project or am not qualified enough for a position. The truth is, I am. I know a lot. I have done a lot. And most importantly I am capable of a lot. But sometimes I forget that.
It's been a long time coming, but I feel I am making real strides in not selling myself short. I took on this crazy Mellon research project with the legendary Professor John Cadigan. My instinct was to worm my way out of it, using any excuses necessary. It wasn't my interest. I didn't have enough time to finish the proposal. I didn't know enough about the topic or running experiments. I don't like doing research. I put it off for awhile but I then one day I was like "Screw that, I can do this. I need to do this." So I sent him an email that said just that: "Let's do it." I locked myself into a commitment, and I do not take my word lightly.
So about a week later I have spent a helluva lot of time trying to get everything ready which has been difficult considering a number of other projects, deadlines, and commitments. But it will be finished by Friday. And I will get that award. And I will do that research. And I will publish that article. I will do it. And I won't succeed because the project was meant for me. And I won't succeed because I know everything I need to know. And I won't succeed because I was fully prepared. No, I will succeed because I said I would. I will succeed because when I fail I will ask questions and I will bounce back higher. I will succeed because I am ready to meet my future. I will succeed because I am Kevin Lugo and
It's been a long time coming, but I feel I am making real strides in not selling myself short. I took on this crazy Mellon research project with the legendary Professor John Cadigan. My instinct was to worm my way out of it, using any excuses necessary. It wasn't my interest. I didn't have enough time to finish the proposal. I didn't know enough about the topic or running experiments. I don't like doing research. I put it off for awhile but I then one day I was like "Screw that, I can do this. I need to do this." So I sent him an email that said just that: "Let's do it." I locked myself into a commitment, and I do not take my word lightly.
So about a week later I have spent a helluva lot of time trying to get everything ready which has been difficult considering a number of other projects, deadlines, and commitments. But it will be finished by Friday. And I will get that award. And I will do that research. And I will publish that article. I will do it. And I won't succeed because the project was meant for me. And I won't succeed because I know everything I need to know. And I won't succeed because I was fully prepared. No, I will succeed because I said I would. I will succeed because when I fail I will ask questions and I will bounce back higher. I will succeed because I am ready to meet my future. I will succeed because I am Kevin Lugo and
I WILL NOT STAND IN MY OWN WAY.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
PLA: Vision into the Future
This semester I've taken on a role as a Peer Learning Associate for a professor in the Econ department. Basically, my job is to run the labs for the Introductory Microeconomics class. Monday was my first time, and it was a bit difficult. I gave the students an algebra review worksheet and had them work on it individually. I didn't expect that it would be very difficult, and I was unprepared when most of the class struggled with the problems. I hadn't thought about the fact that not only are most of them probably not interested in math or econ, but a lot of them hadn't done math in several years. Ouch.
I found myself up in front of the class, running through the problems and actually teaching instead of just running a lab. It was tough Monday, mostly because I wasn't prepared. But I immediately resolved to prepare myself better in the future, and yesterday and today it went a hell of a lot better. In fact, I actually enjoyed teaching. It's difficult because I don't know the students and I only get to see them for an hour each week, but I enjoyed helping them. I probably didn't need to be as involved as I was, but I had them do problems on the board and explain their work. Some people were bored, and I don't blame them. If you know calculus, reviewing how to solve basic equations is a waste of time.
The point is, I enjoyed myself. I like teaching because I like helping people realize new knowledge. I like to see the look in their eyes when something suddenly becomes clear. I like to know I am inspiring a new generation of people who will go out and hopefully make the world a better place. One day I'll be doing this for a living, not just because it is a safe, secure career, but because I can make a difference.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Overwhelmed
Picture this:
You are on the floor wrestling with two of your younger cousins. It has been awhile since you've seen them and you're having a good time. Suddenly, five more kids appear and you find yourself entrenched in a pile of grabbing hands and stamping feet. What started as a friendly expression of love has become a uncontrolled pit of violence. Fingers claw at your face and knees find their way into the most sensitive of places. As fun melts into pain you struggle just to breathe. You feel constricted. It's hard to see. Your chest feels heavy. It's hot, hot beyond mere temperature. A feeling of suffocation overcomes you. You are beyond uncomfortable; you are trapped. You must get out.
This is a ridiculously extravagant description of the scene, but those of you with many small family members will understand. It begins as a fun game but by the time they're done they've turned you into a human jungle gym. Oddly, this craziness makes a perfect analogy for how I feel about research. I've begun working to create a research project to apply for the Mellon scholarship, and I feel everything that I just described. I was excited going in and reassured when I thought of a great topic: how gasoline prices affect the welfare of your average American consumer. Having concluded that unbelievably low gasoline prices are one of the biggest factors preventing my vision of alternative transportation, this makes an excellent research topic.
Sadly, my enthusiasm stopped short when I began the search. I knew there was a reason I quit researching, and I now understand why I broke down two years ago. As soon as I hit that wall consisting of thousands of articles relating to my research topic I froze. How was I supposed to know what was important? How was I to know how I could find my own niche in this flood of information. I could dedicate hours to developing an idea and finding resources only to discover it has already been examined. Even if I did find the perfect niche, would there be enough data? Damn, I hate researching.
Will I continue this project? Maybe. I have a skype date with somewhat of an expert in last-minute research, and maybe she will inspire me to struggle through this overwhelming mass of knowledge. But I really don't think I am cut out for this research thing. I don't want to wade through a flood of documents and numbers just to conclude that increasing gasoline prices would increase public transit utilization. No shit Sherlock, people will do whatever is cheaper. People might prefer their cars, and therefore use them even when they are more expensive than public transport, but eventually people would convert. I don't even need Economics 101 to tell you that. So why do I need to spend hours upon hours to prove it? The answer is I don't; let someone else do it for me.
I want to be in the mix. I want to be active. I want to take information and make things happen. I want to be a doer, not a viewer. For me, research just doesn't cut it. I do not believe it would ever satisfy me. So I guess when I consider this feeling of being overwhelmed in that sense it shouldn't bother me. This is not my realm. It is not my forte. It is something the academic world pushes upon me without remorse. It is something I must suffer through in order to prosper. It is something I hate. So I guess now I know research is not in my future. Thank God (or the equivalent spiritual being, for which I have not yet found a proper word).
You are on the floor wrestling with two of your younger cousins. It has been awhile since you've seen them and you're having a good time. Suddenly, five more kids appear and you find yourself entrenched in a pile of grabbing hands and stamping feet. What started as a friendly expression of love has become a uncontrolled pit of violence. Fingers claw at your face and knees find their way into the most sensitive of places. As fun melts into pain you struggle just to breathe. You feel constricted. It's hard to see. Your chest feels heavy. It's hot, hot beyond mere temperature. A feeling of suffocation overcomes you. You are beyond uncomfortable; you are trapped. You must get out.
This is a ridiculously extravagant description of the scene, but those of you with many small family members will understand. It begins as a fun game but by the time they're done they've turned you into a human jungle gym. Oddly, this craziness makes a perfect analogy for how I feel about research. I've begun working to create a research project to apply for the Mellon scholarship, and I feel everything that I just described. I was excited going in and reassured when I thought of a great topic: how gasoline prices affect the welfare of your average American consumer. Having concluded that unbelievably low gasoline prices are one of the biggest factors preventing my vision of alternative transportation, this makes an excellent research topic.
Sadly, my enthusiasm stopped short when I began the search. I knew there was a reason I quit researching, and I now understand why I broke down two years ago. As soon as I hit that wall consisting of thousands of articles relating to my research topic I froze. How was I supposed to know what was important? How was I to know how I could find my own niche in this flood of information. I could dedicate hours to developing an idea and finding resources only to discover it has already been examined. Even if I did find the perfect niche, would there be enough data? Damn, I hate researching.
Will I continue this project? Maybe. I have a skype date with somewhat of an expert in last-minute research, and maybe she will inspire me to struggle through this overwhelming mass of knowledge. But I really don't think I am cut out for this research thing. I don't want to wade through a flood of documents and numbers just to conclude that increasing gasoline prices would increase public transit utilization. No shit Sherlock, people will do whatever is cheaper. People might prefer their cars, and therefore use them even when they are more expensive than public transport, but eventually people would convert. I don't even need Economics 101 to tell you that. So why do I need to spend hours upon hours to prove it? The answer is I don't; let someone else do it for me.
I want to be in the mix. I want to be active. I want to take information and make things happen. I want to be a doer, not a viewer. For me, research just doesn't cut it. I do not believe it would ever satisfy me. So I guess when I consider this feeling of being overwhelmed in that sense it shouldn't bother me. This is not my realm. It is not my forte. It is something the academic world pushes upon me without remorse. It is something I must suffer through in order to prosper. It is something I hate. So I guess now I know research is not in my future. Thank God (or the equivalent spiritual being, for which I have not yet found a proper word).
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Me Time
College is a crazy atmosphere full of hectic schedules, millions of responsibilities, and a lot of stress. It's quite difficult to get everything done, especially when you are blessed (and cursed) with high standards. In the past this has caused me to struggle, especially when I get busy and begin to feel overrun. But my semester abroad really helped me learn a lot about myself, and what I learned is I need Me Time.
Me Time can be anything. It can be reading a novel. It can be playing Xbox. It can be blogging. Like tonight, it can be watching Jon Stewart. Me Time is anything that is all about me and my interests, hobbies, and passions, but it is never working towards a goal. I am never trying to get hired. I am never trying to perform. I am simply forgetting all those things and doing something pleasurable. This semester I am setting aside at least an hour of me time every night before bed. It's not much, but when things begin piling up that hour might be all that keeps me sane.
Along with other lessons learned through introspection, Me Time actually makes me more productive despite "wasting" and hour every day. It keeps me happy, it relieves some stress, and it lets my mind take a break. I strongly advise anyone who is feeling overburdened, college student or not, to put time aside for themselves every day. Like many small gestures it may appear unimportant, but I assure you that if you devote a short time to you, you will appreciate it.
Me Time can be anything. It can be reading a novel. It can be playing Xbox. It can be blogging. Like tonight, it can be watching Jon Stewart. Me Time is anything that is all about me and my interests, hobbies, and passions, but it is never working towards a goal. I am never trying to get hired. I am never trying to perform. I am simply forgetting all those things and doing something pleasurable. This semester I am setting aside at least an hour of me time every night before bed. It's not much, but when things begin piling up that hour might be all that keeps me sane.
Along with other lessons learned through introspection, Me Time actually makes me more productive despite "wasting" and hour every day. It keeps me happy, it relieves some stress, and it lets my mind take a break. I strongly advise anyone who is feeling overburdened, college student or not, to put time aside for themselves every day. Like many small gestures it may appear unimportant, but I assure you that if you devote a short time to you, you will appreciate it.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
What Is Important?
I find it interesting that this is really the ultimate question of my life, and has been for years. These three simple words rival all those other weighty three words combos: I love you. I miss you. I am sorry. If you stop and think about it, What is Important? defines how we use those other admissions. They simple act of relatively valuing the things in our life completely defines everything that is and will ever be. Is success more important than love? Will it always be this way, or just while we are young and flexible? Actually, if you think about it shouldn't we dedicate more of youth's flexibility and vigor to love? After all, I hear it gets harder and harder to meet people when you begin to leave the institutions that make finding people so easy. Yes, I refer to college.
I spend so much time fretting about what I need to do that a lot of time I forget that I don't need to do any of it. Hell, I don't even need to finish college. These are only things I want to do because I believe they will help me pursue a better life. Now, when you put it in terms of quality of life, suddenly things become more complicated. I could work really hard and maybe be rewarded for my endeavors, or I could take a more relaxed approach to college and immerse myself in the unique social atmosphere that exists in no other institution on this Earth. Essentially, I could be the irresponsible kid/teen/guy I never was. Wow, why is life so complicated?
Our live are only as complicated as we make them, and sometimes we need to be reminded just how silly we are. Luckily I have a lot of support when it comes to telling me how I'm screwing up, and someone is always around to steer me in the right direction. I mean that in the most positive way though, and just last night someone special made me realize that the way I live, with all my commitments and my meticulously planned schedule, is about as far from my ideal as I could ever be. If you ask me my ideal lifestyle you will undoubtedly get a mix of purposeful work and meaningful relationships. What you might not hear me say is freedom and introspection, yet these are tow things I hold dear. When I am free to move and grow as I please I am most happy. And when I can reflect on my life and the world around me I can feel the weight of ages pass over me. It is as if I am making a connection with the past; a connection to that fundamental human spirit that lives in us all. It is cloaked in the folds of manufactured purpose, but under the veil we can all relate to the need to feel satisfied.
You know, above all else I think that is the word. Satisfaction. Are you satisfied with your life? Are you satisfied when you give up something fun and important to do something you think you need to do? Or are you satisfied living a life of mediocre productivity? Everyone knows the feeling of satisfaction. Look for it. Pursue it. Find it. When you're satisfied those important things will come easy. You will confess your love. you will show your appreciation. You will admit your wrongs.
And you definitely won't be wasting your time trying to figure our what you're doing with your life ;)
I spend so much time fretting about what I need to do that a lot of time I forget that I don't need to do any of it. Hell, I don't even need to finish college. These are only things I want to do because I believe they will help me pursue a better life. Now, when you put it in terms of quality of life, suddenly things become more complicated. I could work really hard and maybe be rewarded for my endeavors, or I could take a more relaxed approach to college and immerse myself in the unique social atmosphere that exists in no other institution on this Earth. Essentially, I could be the irresponsible kid/teen/guy I never was. Wow, why is life so complicated?
Our live are only as complicated as we make them, and sometimes we need to be reminded just how silly we are. Luckily I have a lot of support when it comes to telling me how I'm screwing up, and someone is always around to steer me in the right direction. I mean that in the most positive way though, and just last night someone special made me realize that the way I live, with all my commitments and my meticulously planned schedule, is about as far from my ideal as I could ever be. If you ask me my ideal lifestyle you will undoubtedly get a mix of purposeful work and meaningful relationships. What you might not hear me say is freedom and introspection, yet these are tow things I hold dear. When I am free to move and grow as I please I am most happy. And when I can reflect on my life and the world around me I can feel the weight of ages pass over me. It is as if I am making a connection with the past; a connection to that fundamental human spirit that lives in us all. It is cloaked in the folds of manufactured purpose, but under the veil we can all relate to the need to feel satisfied.
You know, above all else I think that is the word. Satisfaction. Are you satisfied with your life? Are you satisfied when you give up something fun and important to do something you think you need to do? Or are you satisfied living a life of mediocre productivity? Everyone knows the feeling of satisfaction. Look for it. Pursue it. Find it. When you're satisfied those important things will come easy. You will confess your love. you will show your appreciation. You will admit your wrongs.
And you definitely won't be wasting your time trying to figure our what you're doing with your life ;)
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